All That Glitters Is Someone Else's

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It has ocurred to me that some of you might actually like to see a GOOD webpage once in a while. To this end, here's some vaguely interesting crap.

	GOATS by Jon Rosenberg - One of the funnier comic strips on the web today, or anywhere else for that matter. This is a comic that is unafraid to do shocking new things with chickens. What shocking new things these are, I cannot say, but it's not what you think, you twisted little pervert. Visit Jon's site, read his comic, click on one of his sponsors, buy a t-shirt. Gotta support the arts.
	THE HERO SANTON by Don Asmussend - This truly brilliant, self-consciously self-conscious sorta mock-superhero strip existed for about all of four heady months back in 1997 before it was pulled from its home at Salon Magazine as a result of some very stupid legal squabble with some guys who work for the undead empire of soulless nineteenth-century newspaper mogul William Randolph Hearst. Here's what remains of the finest comic strip of its time, which may not be saying much considering the competition, but hey, it's still funny. Go away.
	RED MEAT by Max Cannon - A sweet little comic strip. If you've got a nostalgic yearning for the lovely little midwest country town you call home, or if you love children and small animals and like to spend long hours throwing breadcrumbs to the ducks by the ol' fishin' hole, or if there's nothing you like better than teaching a classful of cherubic pre-schoolers about fuzzy little kittens and friendly guardian angels, then you'll LOVE Red Meat. It's the "Family Circus" for the '90s.
	FISHBOWL by Eric Ellis - A damn cool comic about a man and his fish. It manages to be both endearing and obscene, and that's really the best of all possible worlds, now isn't it? Features lots of amazing random humor, lots of crack whores, lots of strips by "Moses," and most importantly, lots of fish. Now that's entertainment.
	COLLEGE ROOMIES FROM HELL!!! by Dr. Maritza Campos - Most college comics are pretty awful. ROOMIES FROM HELL!!! dodges this little pitfall by cleverly not being about college. Cool surreal humor, "zany" characters, and a penchant for painfully long storylines (if you can stand Fluble, you'll love this strip). I'm not entirely sure why I called her "Doctor" Maritza. I think I just like putting "Doctor" in front of names like "Maritza."

	THE ONION: America's Finest News Source - Presented here as a sort of gratuitous courtesy. If you've managed to find Fluble, you probably stumbled over The Onion years ago. This once-hilarious news parody has been plagued by an obvious and miserably dull formula of late, but every now and then something truly amazing slips through. Check out the archive; there is some wonderful stuff in there, like "Stephen Hawking Builds Robotic Exoskeleton."
	The Hampster (sic) Dance - Once again, you've probably already seen this. But still, it deserves some commendation, not only for being another misspelled humor site, but for being THE most annoying place on the entire web. The first thirty seconds are great, the next thirty are irritating, the next five minutes could replace most medieval torture chambers, and beyond that, you'll be living in Looking-Glass Land forever.
	Kojak Land - Brilliant in its simplicity. Who can unravel the mystery of Kojak Land? Who built it? WHY did they build it? Was it aliens again? Or is it tied to Apocalyptic prophecy, the end times writ large on the furrowed bald pate of Telly Savalas? And behold, I saw a Kojak on a pale horse, and the name of that Kojak was Death, and Hell followed with him. Look upon his works, ye mighty, and despair...
	Poke Alex in the Eye - Just what it sounds like. Sit back, kick your feet up, and poke Alex in the eye. Intrusive finger provided free of charge.
	The Captain James T. Kirk Sing-A-Long Page - Not for the faint of heart. Listen in terror as William Shatner makes noises eerily similar to singing. The Enterprise commander croons to all your favorites, including "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds," "Mr. Tambourine Man," and a passage from Shakespeare's Henry the Fifth. And you thought "Blair Witch" was scary.
	Nature's Harmonic Simultaneous 4-Day Timecube - It's time you knew: you've been living a lie. The world is not the odious, crude spheroid your vile Roundist schoolteachers seduced you into believing it was. No, friend, the world is a timecube, and a harmonic simultaneous 4-day timecube at that! Discard the lie. Embrace the truth. There is only the cube. As noted Cubic Gene Ray tells us, "Until word is cornered, all math is fiction." Corner that word, Gene. Corner that word.
	The Postfuturist Project - Like postmodernism much? Then you'll love what comes next: Postfuturism, the wave of the Post-future that's taking the art world by storm. Marvel at its semiotic deconstruction of hegemonic binaries. Thrill to its liberation of those imbricated within "objective," reductionist constructions. The fish/fruit dialectic may/will/can never be the same. Brought to you by John "Derrida" Leen and the Postmodern Funk Machine.
	The Church of the Subgenius - At long last, a major world religion that is openly, blatantly fake. See the miraculous and amazing miracles of amazement performed by J.R. "Bob" Dobbs and the alien space god Jehovah-1. Find out about the apocalypse, about how long ago it happened and when it's happening again. This won't change your life, no one will become your personal lord and savior, and it won't compel you to fly around the world to visit some big rock in the Middle East. But it's still damn cool.